I'm Back!

Check out the dates between my last two posts -- it has taken a long time to finish this last part of "Biblical Headship" (Ha!Ha!)

Life has been busy, but I am looking forward to getting back to blogging business!

Display of Biblical Headship (Part 3)

A husband, when exercising proper headship, takes the initiative to raise his children to be spiritually strong.

In Ephesians 6:4, Paul, under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit, instructs fathers concerning their responsibility in child rearing. Using an interesting literary twist, the apostle powerfully emphasizes the father’s duty in this most important venture. Within the context of this section on interpersonal relationships (Ephesians 5-6), Paul deals first with the marriage relationship by addressing individuals in this order: wife to husband, then husband to wife. In dealing with social relationships, Paul addresses the individuals in this order: slave (employee) to master, then master to slave (employee). In both of these cases, the identification of those to whom the apostle is addressing stays the same, even when he is shifting the emphasis. But in regards to family relationships, Paul addresses the individuals in the same order, but the identification changes when the emphasis shifts: children to parents, then fathers to children.

Why does the Bible speak primarily to the father in Ephesians 6:4, when both the Scriptures and history elaborate on the fact that mothers have a great influence also? Wayne Mack (in his book, Strengthening Your Marriage) answers:


"One possible explanation for this may be that often it is the father who neglects the responsibility. Many a man has transferred most of the child raising to the wife…many a husband has salved his conscience and abdicated his child raising responsibility. This, then, may be one explanation for the emphasis on fathers in Ephesians 6:4. Probably, however, the main reason for this approach is found in the biblical doctrine of the husband’s headship in the home."



As the head of the home (in regards to the children), the father has the responsibility to be the primary Bible instructor in the home, to be the one who sets the atmosphere of obedience (by obeying God and authorities), to be the main disciplinarian in the home, and to be one who encourages excellence in character.

Display of Biblical Headship (Part 2)

In the Christian home, it is the fundamental responsibility of the husband to act and react in accordance to his scriptural, God-given position of leadership. Through investigating headship, we have acknowledged the biblical truth that husbands have the authority to lead in their marriages and in their homes. How is the husband’s responsibility “fleshed out” in daily living? How does a man “act and react” in his home that would be consistent with the biblical model of leadership?

As depraved human beings, husbands have the tendency to act and react in relationships in a selfish manner. This selfishness can translate over into the style of leadership that Jesus Christ condemned because of its carnality (Matthew 20:20-28, Mark 10:35-45, Luke 22:24-26). More than providing cannon fodder for the radical feminists, a self-centered approach to leadership provides an environment in the home that produces hurt feelings, emotional tension, and destructive decisions.

A husband, when exercising proper headship, uses his authority not to be a dictator, but to be a servant/leader. Using Christ as the example, husbands need to lead by serving, not by demanding. One of the marks of proper headship is seen when a husband consistently asks, by his life and with his lips, “What can I do to help?”, instead of “What can you do for me?”

Display of Biblical Headship (Part 1)

A husband, when exercising proper headship, loves his wife sacrificially. There is one primary command given to the husband in exercising biblical headship; and that command is to love his wife sacrificially (Ephesians 5:25). This imperative is given, using the most vivid example of love possible – the love of Christ for his bride, the church. Christ’s giving of Himself, even when the object of His love was His enemy (Romans 5:8), should leave an indelible impression on every husband. By the grace of God, husbands are to model this perfect love in their imperfect lives.

A husband who loves his wife sacrificially will be a man who loves God supremely. He will be a man who fears the Lord and serves Him wholeheartedly. He will have convictions that are firmly entrenched in the Bible and applied to his life. A godly wife will desire nothing as much as a husband who lives according to a biblical worldview and who is spiritually minded.

A husband who loves his wife sacrificially will become a student whose lifelong study is to learn about his bride (I Peter 3:7). He will concern himself with finding out her likes, her dislikes, her motivations, her spiritual gifts, her frustrations, her hurts, and her desires. The pursuit of this knowledge will come second only to his pursuit of God and God’s will. He will, with tender care and purposeful communication, seek to extract the personal “owner’s manual” that is found in the recesses of her heart.

A husband who loves his wife sacrificially will also honor her as a valuable treasure (I Peter 3:7). When a man demeans his wife, makes her feel unappreciated, demands from her in a harsh way, takes her for granted or criticizes her, he is exercising what Alexander Strauch (in his book, Equal Yet Different) calls “pagan behavior”. Conversely, by his words, his actions, and his mannerisms, a loving, Christ-like husband will show to his wife and to everyone around that she is very precious to him.

And last, but certainly not least, a husband who loves his wife sacrificially will apply the “Golden Rule” to his marriage (Ephesians 5:28). He will treat her the way he would want to be treated. This mindset of loving her may not express itself in the same way as he would like (“Hey, honey, here are the keys to your new bass boat!”), but to the same extent he would like (“Hey, sweetheart, is there anything I can do for you today?).

"Inescapable Leadership" -- The Dynamic of Headship

One of the misconceptions that has been accepted into the realm of fact is the supposition that the husband is commanded by God to be the head of his wife/home. Men, there is no such command in the Scriptures (stay with me on this one...). In both passages that detail the teaching of the headship of man (I Corinthians 11 and Ephesians 5), this concept is found to be in the indicative mode, not the imperative. This means that it is a statement of fact: the man, as husband, is the head of the wife. By virtue of his position, he is head of the home. He possesses the authority to lead. With refreshing candor, Douglas Wilson, in his book Reforming Marriage, calls this “inescapable leadership”. Understanding this concept of leadership empowers men to be the precise type of husbands that God has designed for them to be in the home.

Embracing this accurate understanding of headship (“inescapable leadership”) gives husbands the opportunity to ask (and hopefully answer) the hard questions concerning leadership instead of being detoured by the non-essential question. Since headship is in the indicative, the question is not “Am I, as a husband, going to be the head, the leader of my wife and family?”, but “What kind of leader am I?”

Christian husbands need to ask themselves, “Am I a lazy leader? Do I take initiative? Am I an absentee leader? Am I conscientious of my responsibilities? Am I harsh in my leadership? Is my example what it should be? Is God pleased with my leadership? Does my wife feel secure in my leadership?” These and other hard questions need to be evaluated honestly in order for husbands to be the right type of leaders in the home.

Also, understanding “inescapable leadership” helps husbands avoid the unbiblical, self-seeking extremes of domination or abdication which are normal in homes that have surrendered to the philosophy of the age. In the amazing headship parallel of Ephesians 5 (husband/wife and Christ/church), Paul articulates that husbands are to model the leadership of Christ. Therefore a husband cannot be selfish in his demands or a tyrant in his home without marring the portrait of Christ’s leadership. Nor can he abdicate his leadership role by physical, emotional, relational or spiritual absenteeism without doing injustice to the example of Christ.

Consequently, at the heart of “inescapable leadership” is personal responsibility. Good leaders don’t seek privileges, they seek responsibility. In a society that has elevated shifting responsibility to an art form, it is important that husbands assume responsibility for the spiritual direction of the home.

Men, what kind of leaders are we going to be?

The Destructive Force in Christian Homes (Part 2)

The problem in marriage relationships comes about when those involved act selfishly (due to unexcused ignorance or willful disobedience), but aren’t willing to (or understand the need to) deal with it. It is good for us to acknowledge that selfishness can be summed up in three statements: 1) “I will do what I want to do.” 2) “I will not do what I don’t want to do.” 3) “I will do what I don’t want to do if I will get what I want.” Whenever an individual acts according to one of these three statements (no matter how small or how big the act is), selfishness is at the root.

The root of selfishness grows in the ground of our sin nature, our environment, and the past hurts in our lives. Concerning our sin nature, we were born with a bent to be selfish – it is a part of our flesh. Concerning our environment, the homes in which we were raised may have trained us to be selfish. Abusive, angry homes produce kids who will fight to get what they want. Neglected kids will focus their attention on themselves. Overprotected, pampered kids are trained to be selfish. Concerning the past hurts in our lives, bitterness will produce an “I deserve what I want” mentality.

You can’t change the ground, but you can kill the root, and grow a new tree! This involves the biblical discipline of dying to self! It is fascinating that Strong’s Concordance illustrates the definition of the word die with the following example: “of trees which dry up, of seeds which rot when planted.” This procedure of dying to self involves actively realizing and reacting rightly to those areas of selfishness that are present in our lives. Husbands and wives, we need to realize that nothing gives us the right to be selfish! We need to realize that we are not always right or perfect! We need to realize that we don’t know everything! If our homes are going to be salvaged and thrive for God, we will need moms and dads, husbands and wives, brothers and sisters, who die to self!!

Also, a biblical mindset is needed to combat the selfish flesh in which our soul resides. Why is it that we wonder why our families are falling apart, but yet we resist Biblical teachings, standards, and philosophies and embrace the very things that are causing the damage?

If we are ever going to get rid of the fruit problems in our homes, we need to address the Biblical responsibilities that are being ignored. As a rule, the man who doesn’t lead in a loving way (as Christ as the example) is selfish. As a rule, the woman who doesn’t submit to and reverence her husband is selfish. This selfishness root needs to be uprooted (not excused because of the soil it grows in) and a new tree (of obedience and fulfilling of biblical responsibilities) needs to be planted with selflessness at the root.

The Most Destructive Force in the Home (Part 1)

Speaking in a couple of different churches in the recent past, I have felt burdened to share the following truth concerning marriage relationships and parent/child relationships. I would like to share this truth with you to start out the new year.

The sad commentary on our Christian homes today is that we have allowed a very destructive force to gain entrance and a foothold. Our homes today will not be devastated by a “grenade” from the outside (even though they are being launched), but by the “nuclear warhead” detonated within our own four walls.

This is evidenced in the various types of behavioral problems found in Christian homes today. Some of these problems have plagued Christian homes for years, but not with as much widespread scope as in current days. We are seeing things happen in Christian homes that were uncommon years ago in non-Christian homes!

Now when it comes to the dynamics of the home (where individuals need to coexist and interact responsibly with one another), it is important to note that when you have a breakdown in behavioral family problems, it is because of a breakdown elsewhere. Noting the Scriptures, we can attribute the majority of these problems in the home to the breakdown in the fulfilling of biblical responsibilities of either the husband or wife (or both). The husband, as the head of the home, is to lead in a loving, Christ-like way. The wife is to submit to and reverence her husband (Ephesians 5:22-33, Colossians 3:18-19, I Peter 3:1-7).

The question then becomes, “Why are Biblical responsibilities ignored?” Without making a blanket statement and hoping to avoid an abstract concept, it is apparent that the breakdown occurs primarily because of selfishness. In II Timothy 3:1-4, the Apostle Paul tells us that in the last days (indicative of our time), “men shall be lovers of their own selves” and “lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God.” Philippians 2:21 also states: “For all seek their own…” Ephesians 2:2-3 describes selfishness as an integral part of our human nature: “we all had our conversation in times past in the lusts of our flesh, fulfilling the desires of the flesh and of the mind…” Paul admonishes the Corinthian believers, “that they which live should not henceforth live unto themselves” (II Corinthians 5:14-15).

A key concept that has been cemented into my thinking is that selfishness is the destroying element in Christian homes today! In fact, an interesting note is that all three passages that deal exclusively with the husband/wife relationship are preceded in context by admonitions against selfish living (Ephesians 5:1-20: Colossians 3:1-17; I Peter 2:1-25).

Men, how is your relationship to your wife? Is there emotional tension? Does it seem like you are just existing together? Let me encourage you -- take a look at your demeanor and reactions toward your wife. Can you see any selfishness there? Do you love her as Christ loved the church? Or do you feel that she exists primarily to please you?